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Writer's picturePastor Joshua Scott

Marriage Unlocked: Secrets to a Harmonious Relationship



From the outset, I am far from a marriage guru. I don’t have a podcast or authored a book on

marriage. However, I do have a lovely wife who I’ve been married to for six years and who has stood by my side in ministry and in the various hardships that we’ve endured together. Through job loss on both sides, different family dynamics, and so many different changes, honestly, it has been enough to cause tension. If we didn’t have a resilient relationship with God, our marriage could have ended many years ago. But through many challenges, we have chosen love and have learned a few lessons about marriage and each other along the way.


1. Laughter belongs in a marriage.


Lauren and I have always been able to laugh together about so many things. We can tell that

when we stop laughing the seriousness of life is saturating us, and the fun of life is becoming

non-existent. As Victor Borge once said, “Laughter is the closest distance between two people.”


A marriage needs laughter; a marriage void of laughter is not aligned with love. Keep laughing.


2. Pursue peace and be honest.


I’m learning, and I will venture to say that we are both learning that being right is not worth the peace of our marriage. We are learning that it is important for both people to make room for each other's feelings. Saying “I feel” statements triggers both of us to realize that these are personal truths that we need to pay attention to. The reason is that what is being said has been affecting the other person, and something in the marriage needs to be tended to. Although marriage, like all other relationships, ebb and flow, the goal should always be for each person to pursue peace.


3. Know that there will be differences.


Differences are expected; they do not always have to tear a marriage apart. Each person in the marriage should feel safe, and the differences between them should be welcomed. We constantly evolve in our marriage, and we think differently about many different things. Everyone evolves, and the longer people are married, the more each person will evolve. These aren’t always horrible changes, but the marriage must make room for differences and growth. We are always asking for clarification to notice each other’s viewpoints and see where we agree and where we differ. I am learning that different perspectives are good and can stretch us in challenging and beautiful ways. Don’t allow differences to tear your marriage apart.


4. Don’t give scraps to your mate.


For years, I worked so hard in ministry and various jobs that I was exhausted by the time I got

home. I gave my best outside of our marriage, and sadly, I was only offering my wife scraps. My wife and any person in a marriage deserve you, not only pieces of you! Take time with your mate, go on walks with your mate, and take time to get away with your mate and family. I’ve learned that I can’t give my best outside the home when my first ministry is to my family, especially my wife. I’m not perfect, but I am grateful for my wife. We’ve seen each other grow up, and we’ve both noticed the reprioritization of our lives. For a successful marriage, both people must be present and willing to pour into their marriage. Both people can’t constantly be depleted. Marriage takes time, patience, honesty, laughter, and, most of all, God. We are learning to pray together and how to pray for each other. Being fully present in prayer and with each other fosters a harmonious relationship. We are imperfect, but I am grateful for the lessons marriage teaches me. May God bless our marriage,

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